By Liz Mierzejewski
We are born into a relationship of directives. We immediately have our every choice deflected or encouraged. With no other options, we don’t even realize we are captives, because these captors, these rulers who decide when we sleep, when we eat, love us so desperately they are bound to us even as we are bound to them. Such is being parent and child. As we find our voice and explore our autonomy, our parents give us the freedom and grace to make discoveries and mistakes, all the while sharing advice hoping we will grab that too.
Our parents’ advice becomes a cornerstone of personal development, shaping values, decisions, and character. “Eat a few more bites.” “Find your shoes.” “Leave the cat alone.” These words are meant to keep us healthy, happy and safe. And mostly, these words are based on their own experience. The food now will keep you focused and healthy until the next meal. With your shoes, we can go for that walk. The cat will only tolerate your nonsense for a moment.
We mature in mind and body, and the words from our parents become strangely ridiculous and unnecessary. “You need to finish your homework.” “Be home by 11:00.” “Come to church with us.” We do not want to be fettered to these captors any longer, being so unreasonable. Sometimes we listen, but not because THEY said so, but because we think so, right? Maybe there are short-term consequences, but we are resilient, and we will be JUST FINE, thank you very much. Little do we realize, but there are often long-term, obscured and permanent results from following or not following advice. Maybe you get the A, and the college scholarship, maybe not. Or you get home safely rather than pulled over for curfew violations. That one time when your heart was ripe for the Message, you hear it or… you’ve slept in and it’s gone for this time.
And then just as suddenly, parental advice makes sense again. They’ve finally come to their senses and have real wisdom, coincidentally just as we need to hear it. “Listen to your gut.” “Save money every payday.” “Lefty Loosey, Righty Tighty.” Practical and with a positive pay-off. Where was all this magical advice before? Took them a while to get here, certainly wasn’t me. They’ve learned their place not as captors, but wizened fellow travelers.
It may come as a shock, but the Bible is surprisingly modern on the issue of parenting advice.
Proverbs says that parental instruction is a “garland” and “chain” that adorns life with dignity and protection. It also states that early guidance creates a lasting moral and practical framework, and that parental advice is spiritually enriching, aligning with faith and eternal values. Additionally, choosing friends wisely: “Avoid bad company” (Proverbs 22:24-25) to protect us from toxic influences. Proverbs 4:1-4 emphasizes passing down wisdom as a covenantal act.
Whoa. Okay, so maybe they weren’t just being captors or annoying, but were living out an intrinsic covenant to raise their children well.
And then we become parents ourselves. We get it now. Now we hear Ephesians 6:4 telling us that we must balance parenting with discipline, love, and spiritual grounding. And our parents’ words find their way back: “Eat a few more bites.” “Find your shoes.” “Leave the cat alone.” “You need to finish your homework.” “Be home by 11:00.” “Come to church with us.” “Listen to your gut.” “Save money every payday.” “Lefty Loosey, Righty Tighty.”
All I can say now, is just wait until you’re a grandparent. We are no longer the jailors, the captors, the wardens of food and fun. The fun advice starts here: "It's always better to let it out than to keep it in.” "A little dirt never killed ya." “Pull my finger.” And always, always, always, “be nice to the cat.”